I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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