My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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