That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize