you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
