in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
