Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Randomize
