Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
