Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
