you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
