I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
