So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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