I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
