I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize