I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
