I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
