I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
