You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
