the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
