Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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