Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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