Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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