I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
