He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize