I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
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