he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
