every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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