He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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