I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
