Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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