why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize