I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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