hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize