so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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