I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Randomize
