Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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