batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize