You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
