you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
