I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
