I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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