she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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