Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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