She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
