all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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