I'm really into asian looking animals
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
