i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
