I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
