when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Randomize
