Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
