i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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