Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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