Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I am available for nakedness
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
