My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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