Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
