I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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