I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
