If that was your dad, he is hot
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
