There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
