I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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