11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize