I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
