Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Just high enough for therapy.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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