lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
