I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
