You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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