I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
