we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
ugly people sure do ruin things
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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