Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
