I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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