Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Randomize
